Raised by a Ranger

I've moved a bit in my life.  (there's an understatement)

As I've moved, I've noticed that the people I've met don't have the same perspective I have. Now, I'm completely cognizant that we all view the world just a little bit differently, because it's the world as pertains to us that we view.  And us is all different.

However, there are different subsets of us.  One of those subsets is the US Military.  It's kinda got its own culture going on.  I won't elaborate, just nod your head, okay?

There are smaller factions in the Armed Forces, one of which is the Army.  Going even more specific in our us classification, and you get to the Rangers. Rangers are the SEALS of the Army.  The toughest of the tough.  The roughest of the rough.

My Dad graduated second in his class.

Due to a terrible car accident, my mom was severely head injured and unable to care full time for my three year old self and my 3 month old baby brother.  This left Dad with the bulk of our care.

He really did a pretty good job, too, considering.  He tried to braid my hair before school.  He made sure we ate healthfully.  He tirelessly and painstakingly explained the answers to all our questions.  He was open, honest and loving in his interactions with us.  He was the most popular dad and he was my hero.

Yet, he was still a Dad and my raising was not the most...genteel.  I grew up around rough, rambunctious old cusses who promised to risk their lives for our country.  When I cried, I got a brief hug and a "tough it out".  My boo-boos were not kissed, they were squeezed (to flush out debris), then doused in the strongest germ-killer we had.  Movie night was old westerns and war movies.  Family vacations were old Civil War battle ground marches (don't believe me? We have pictures of 5 year old me next to one of a ton of cannon ball monuments at Chicamauga.).  We played He-man, not She-Ra; War, not House; built forts, no Barbies. When I had a cold, I got the yellow Listerine. Canker sore? Salt. Just one trip to the grocery store every 2 weeks.  Day 12, and there's no milk?  Go for the powdered, or tough it out, kid. 'Yes, sir'; not 'yeah'. The standard for respect and obedience was high and the consequences for insubordination were steep.

Forget stability.  We were in the Army!  We moved every one to two years, and when school was out, my brother and I went to live with our grandparents in Tucson for the summer.  It was hard, but not the hardest (as Dad frequently reminded us).  Actually, it was sometimes kind of fun.  A kid on a military fort has a lot of freedom. Dad explained, "The last place a crook wants to be is on an area of land populated by people who've been trained to kill." We were given the run of the place and ran our own lives most of the time.

Were it not for my life circumstances, I think I would have turned out pretty girly.  I've always been rather sensitive, observant, initially shy and feminine.  But how would anyone turn out after the childhood I've described?  All my thoughts were formed under the guidance of a man; so I kind of think like one.  I had to make do without much expectation of anything stable, or even any resources; so I like to get by with what I've got.  Instructions were not always calmly spoken; so I have a tendency to bark out commands. Our house was very no-nonsense; so, though I'm truly shy, I can be rather frank. I had to keep to my father's schedule; so I like things to run at maximum efficiency.  I had to make new friends every 2 years; so my personality is rather flexible.

Though I was slow to notice the differences, I've been gradually mentally chronicling all the ways my unique upbringing, and resulting outlook, collides with the rest of us.  I'm going to try to share these occasionally painful, frequently hilarious ways here. Maybe on Fridays. Look at the Blog title. Phew! Still not called, "The AnalRetentivery". We'll see.

Oh, and on an Army fort?  An enthusiastic yes, is "Hooah".  It's as ubiquitous as "ya'll" in the south, and just as easy to decipher who is an outsider by the way they say it.

Scissor cuts everything.

I was in the Library parking lot when I noticed that my shoes were a little...roomier.  Looked down. Saw a slice through the upper.  Thought: Boy.

My Boy finds mechanical/electrical things fascinating.  He likes to use useful things in new and interesting ways.  God has preserved his life through accidental quarter swallowing, sock meets light bulb experiments, adventures in window opening, etc.  This is just one reason why my kids walk around with random holes in their clothes. Because scissors can be used on more than just paper.

Here the culprit comes. "Boy, why is my shoe sliced?"
"Well. (he starts every sentence with 'well', 'probably' or 'maybe'. He doesn't like verbal commitment.) (He also always says "well" like a little John Wayne. He's never seen a John Wayne movie.) Well, Mommy, probably because I cut it."

He purchased a new pair for me, but then I got to thinking.  The shoes were still usable.  And they were a little plain for my tastes anyway.  We could jazz 'em up a bit...

Surviving the Solo Road Trip with Wee Ones

Summer 2012 was a summer of travel.  Used to be, when we needed to travel more than 300 miles, we'd hop on a plane (see my traveling with toddlers tips--we flew a lot).  Now with 5 potential tickets to buy and Dave Ramsey on our tail, the cost and hassle of driving seems far easier a burden to bear.  So, when we had a wedding to attend in Cleveland, a move to Louisiana the week after, a trip to Tucson and then a beach trip to the Outer Banks, we gassed up the car.
It seems that people's expectations when road tripping are set by their parents during childhood.  To my Army-Ranger dad, stopping to sleep drew out the torture.  When we drove, it was straight through. NC to AZ? It's just 34 hrs.  He employed the slap-your-cheeks method of wakefulness.  We moved every 1-2 years and always went to Tucson for Christmas.  Many of my good family memories took place in the car.

The Louisiana to AZ trip was important to me, and, since it was last minute and out-of-budget, it needed to be straight through, with all three kids, and solo.  I know. Unthinkable.

Until you think about it.

According to Google Maps, Monroe to Tucson is a 20 hr trip:  Monroe to Dallas, Dallas to Midland, Midland to El Paso, El Paso to Tucson: 5 hrs each trip. 5x4 is 20 hrs.  I can't drive 20 hrs to anywhere, but I can drive 5 hrs at a stretch with my crew. No problemo.  So.  How do you work the car logistics?  Here are some tips:

1. Keep your expectations in the car consistent.  TV in the car is bad.  I heard that gasp.  I know it seems convenient-nay-neccessary when you have a whiny toddler back there, but push on through.   When I was that kid in the back seat (before personal viewing devices), I read or looked out the window during our marathon road trips.  You know what I learned?  Constellation formations.  What our country looks like and how quickly the geography changes from state to state.  The workings of the inner-ear (don't read too long--or else). How big is the sky. Trucker communication is a language of lights.  That there are parent-approved games which promote punching your little brother. Navigation and map reading. Texas really is its own country. Car seat with intact seat-belt contortionism. This time in the car is an opportunity, not something to be suffered. My kids have never had TV in the car.  We bring books, yes, and have games and books on tape, but most of their time is spent looking out the window.  And they're (mostly) content. All. Trip. Long.  
2. ipod bud in one ear, with peppy music and podcasts loaded.  I've been scolded by lots of people for this, but as long as you check each state's law (most are okay with one bud in), keep the volume low enough to hear kid emergencies and high enough to ignore annoying repetitive chatter, it's really no different than talking on the phone.
3. Kids get drinks 100 miles or one hour before next stop.  That way, no emergency potty stops. Also, "When the car stop(s), all the dogs get out.  Look where those dogs are going. To the potty! To the potty! Up they go to the (hopefully) clean potty!"
4. Inform your passengers.  Tell them ahead of time the length of your trip.  Put it into perspective.  There's a cool feature on Google maps where you can drive your trip at increased speed virtually.  It took us 7 whole minutes to reach our virtual destination.  Point out the window at interesting things you see, at stuff you know about, at places you've been or memories you have.  Road trips were times when I had my parents captive attention.  I got to know them well and was able to ask very personal questions in our speeding metal box.
5. ipod touch with free itunes episodes for extreme emergencies.  I know what I said before; this is where I relax the rule, because the thing has a battery life. When the ipod stops, so does the TV!
6. Start as early in the morning as you can stomach.  I like 4 am.  It's late enough that you still feel like you got a regular night's sleep, but early enough that you've actually got a jump on the trip.  It's all psychological.  If you start in the daylight, but don't make it to your destination till early the next day, you feel way more exhausted. Start in the dark, end in the dark.  Spread the dark time driving around. You feel like you're making way better time, and feel less stressed about the whole thing in general when you get to your end point before 12 am.
7. Also with the trip psychology: don't think in total time.  I couldn't think, "20 hrs to Tucson", but I could easily think every time I got in the car, "Can you drive 5 more hours? Of course! I can drive 5 hrs anytime!" Enjoy those sunrises and sunsets. Look around at the scenery--even in West Texas, God has made some wonderous stuff.
8. Don't stop to eat.  Eating requires sitting, so why not kill two birds with one stone and eat while driving?  I make enough PB&Js for all major meals on the trip.  I put the made sandwiches back in the bread bag and freeze the whole thing the night before. Mealtime? Pass it on back.
9. Duh. You can't do this with a baby without at least an extra adult. I soloed from IL to NC with the 3 amigos once when Button was a toddler, Boy was 3, and the lil' Chick was 4 and just stopped more often for potty and running breaks.  BUT! When you DO drive with a baby, what do you do when the baby starts crying?  You keep driving.  Don't look back. That's more dangerous than texting while driving.  Which I also don't do.

It's always better to have an extra big, sane person who can also drive in the car, but the Pransome Hince is a very important man and usually flies in to all our destinations. When he does get to drive with us, we use the same techniques; the only difference, in fact, is that I get to read to everyone and we get Daddy as an extra captive in our big, speeding, metal box.

Second Generation car seat contortionist.

**Update: I'm usually all about intrinsic rewards. (Extrinsic rewards require too much pre-planning, and aren't as effective.) We have, however, employed the "Minivan Express" method when going to Grandma's house for Christmas. After our success with the summer trip-across-Texas-New Mexico-and-AZ, we decided to do the same thing at Christmastime. I burned lots of Christmas songs, and A Christmas Carol audiobook onto CDs, filled sippy cups with tea (only handed them out 100 miles before Dallas) and wrapped 3x5 dollar store presents in Christmas paper. The night before we left, I passed out Minivan Express tickets for the kids to put under their pillows for their 4 am departure. On our way over the river and through the southern midwest, we sang yuletide songs and parsed out the cheap presents as distractions.  This was such a hit, that when it was time to travel to NC for a graduation in the spring, we did the same thing.

Another poem from the poetical friend

Now, words aren't my forte.

You know, that comment was so loud, I could hear it, dear reader: "'Not your forte'? YOU'RE the one with a blog, woman."

Note the number of posts on said blog.  I rest my case.

I have a friend who is very good at words (well, really, more than one friend-they put up with all my stutterings splendidly), even at 12 am after 17 hrs of mothering 4 children, teaching a full day of school and cooking gormet offerings for the daily meal trifecta, she occasionally comes up with cute-y little masterpeices to warm my lonely late night:

a quick note to you because i was a thinkin'
about our school day (while my tea i's a drinkin')
before i retire, climbing up from the mire,
to lay down this old head on a pillow.
i hope that your monday's been super delightful
i hope that you slipped and said something insightful
i hope that you'll have some sweet dreams in your head
as you too...
bid the laptop adieu...
go to bed!

This is why I'm so glad God made us all different and also the same.
And why I'm so blessed to call her my friend.

Did you like that one?  She's been featured on this blog before.

What the Smart Mommies Buy

It's hard being a new mommy; the most challenging thing I've done so far.  It's also hard to face Babies R Us with your scanner-trigger-happy husband as your only comfort and support (the Pransome Hince had to hold me while I cried in the parking lot outside Babies R Us after our first registry visit).  Here's a list of all the stuff I've found to be absolutely necessary tools in the first 2 years of mommyhood and beyond.  

This list is to be used for your information.  It's my opinion based on LOTS of research into the best products 7 years ago, and my experience raising 3 children born in 4 years.  Use whatever is useful. Disregard the rest as my dubiously helpful advice.

What the Smart Mommies buy 

(and why!)*

By: The know-it-all Mommy

Gear  (sometimes spending more at the outset saves in the end):

 

            BabyTrend Flex Loc car seat (because of the many hand positions you can use to hold it; lets you hold the carrier much more naturally—some problems with adjusting the handle, and shoulder straps getting twisted, but for me, this is worth it for the handle.) Lots of people like their Graco--they’re certainly prettier! Just remember: pink carseats are great...what if you have a boy second? Light upholstery looks nice new...what about when the baby is 10 months and you've taken the thing everywhere for the past 300 days?

            Snap-n-go stroller or other universal stroller frame It’s way lighter than those strollers that are common to travel systems.  Trust me, you don’t want to be lifting 20+ pounds anytime after giving birth *shudder*.  When you have two little kids, I like the Joovy Caboose.  Phil and Ted's was my dream stroller.

             *quality*light weight stroller as the baby grows out of the infant car seat, especially if you expect to have several babies in a row  We got a Maclaren because they are designed for tall people (Matt wanted the option of pushing).  
            ErgoBaby carrier  It works with a newborn AND a 20 + lb baby--Baby Born doesn’t. Th baby can be worn in the front or back. We never used a baby sling, but I'm beginning to think it makes for happy and more secure infants. 

            Mini (travel)pack n play (unless you plan on using it as a playpen, in which case, a regular sized one.)  Works PERFECTLY for keeping the baby next to the bed. It's also a great bassinet. Ben spent his first 6 months in our closet in his travel pack n play. If you plan on using it for vacations, use a hotel towel to set up a changing station on the desk that most hotels provide.  By the time the baby's big enough to grow out of the little pack n play, they won't need a pen to sleep in.

            Boosterseat with a tray I don't like plastic high chairs: too unsightly, doesn’t let you “eat” with baby, takes up lots of room, though they do roll nicely across the floor…

            Bounceror table-top swing

            Sometimes a big floor toy is nice to keep them occupied during tummy/floor time.  Also, my boys have LOVED their Graco Bumper Jumper at about 4 or 5 months.

            Crib

            Dressers work great as changing tables.  Just put the changing pad on top of them.  I hung shelves above the dresser for wipes and diapers.  Also, our dresser has a mirror attached: babies LOVE to look at themselves, and I use it to my advantage to keep them from squirming while dressing.

            I’ve heard gliders are nice to nurse in. I don’t like the way gliders look, though they have some now that look more like “real” furniture.  Obviously, one isn’t required—but make sure you have some sort of support for the first few months.  See my recommendation for “My Breast Friend” below as my answer to this problem.

            TotLocks for when the baby starts getting into things.  Tot Locks are great.  They work using a magnetic “key”.  You cannot get into the cabinet or make it move in any way without the key, but here’s why these are worth it: you can turn the lock off anytime you want.  No more frustrating stuck cabinets!

            We haven’t worried about getting a baby bathtub, and have done sink baths for each newborn using rag towels.  Matt went to a Daddy Boot camp before Lu was born where he was trained in how to do newborn baths.  He’s done all the kid’s baths ever since, which is greatly appreciated by the Momma.

Stuff:

            Don’t worry about clothes, toys or blankets until after all your showers.  Most people give these things as shower gifts (especially for girls).  Also, baby booties mostly fall off, as do most dressy baby socks.  When/if you DO buy clothes, make sure you buy the right size for the right season!  I had lots of really cute summer girl dresses for Lucy that started to fit in November.   In my experience, girls stay true to size, and boys are about a size up. (buy 18 mos for a 12 mos boy, etc)  Adjustable elastic waists in pants are worth their weight in gold!!

            Get a package of cloth baby diapers to use as spit up rags.  My grandma made mine from Gerber white cloth pre-fold baby diapers from Target and sewed a piece of cute fabric down the middle of oneside.  Get 4 cloths to start out, and then get more when you figure it out.

            Also see if you can find long-sleeved infant shirts with the fold-over mittencuffs.  Shirts or onesies are great, whole sleeper outfits are even better.  The hospitals all have these, but they’re actually really hard to find in stores. =/  These keep your newborn from scratching themselves.  Lucy was always able to shake those hand mittens off.  Try a Google search for some you like.

            Wipewarmer: not for the warm wipes, but for the anchor they provide.  Those plastic wipe dispensers dispense well, until you’re toward the bottom of the stack of wipes, and then you have to use one hand to anchor them (or, if you’re like me, fling them around until you can get the wipe out).

            Mobile.  Make sure to hang it low over the changing table or baby’s bed.  Ours has a knot in it (Matt tied it) that makes the length of ribbon adjustable so we can make it higher as the baby gets older.

            Good, high color contrast baby books.  I like Black & White by Tana Hoban.  If you invite me to your shower, you just might get one!  Also good children’s board book literature.  You should be reading these books over and over again from the start.  I found Dr. Seuss too cloying, but love, love, love almost anything by Sandra Boynton.

             I don’t like diaper bags and only have a small one with just diapers, wipes, as disposable waterproof changing pad and pacifier for bringing into nurseries and for church, or to put in the back of the stroller.  I’m kind of a do-with-what-you-have person (I carry a teeny-tiny purse), and keep diapers and wipes in the car.  If we’re shopping and have a wet diaper, the baby is fine till we get to the car or home unless I’m marathon shopping (which hasn’t happened since before I had babies, anyway).  For larger bags, I like the skip-hop.  Whatever bag you get is gong to get trashed.

            A smaller convexmirror that has a suction cup and attaches to the front or back windshield.  I could never get those huge cute convex mirrors adjusted right when Lucy was in her infant seat.  I found if I used the one attached to the windshield, I could use it to vaguely figure out what was going on and determine if I needed to stop or not.

            Diapers.  Huggies leaked a lot on my kids, and Pampers are great, but mostly, the cheaper diapers work just as well.  This is a kind of trial and error process.  We like Costco diapers, but if you have a Sams membership, the Pampers there are just about the same cost. Cloth diapers are popular now. I figured all the time and grossness and worry and attention they require wasn't worth it.

            Wipes.  I like the Costco Kirkland/Sams Club Member’s Mark kind because you have the option of taking one of the packs in the car (each package is designed to dispense).  We can cut them open easily to put the wipes into the wipes warmer.

            Bottles.  Even if you plan to breast feed, these are good to have around for babysitters or grandmas to give formula or expressed breast milk.  I like Avent, but it’s kind of a personal choice everyone has to make.  Dr. Browns seems nice, especially because they are glass.

            I haven’t really found a monitor to be necessary.  Hearing my babies breathe just keeps me from going to sleep.  If they wake up and cry, I can hear them well enough to tell if they are hungry or just pulling my chain. We had friends with a camera monitor that looked like a flower.  It was hilarious to watch the baby talking to it, but again, I'm glad I didn't have one. I'd never get anything done during naptime.

            I like the Diaper Champ over the Diaper Genie.  Diaper Champ is cheaper because it uses regular trash bags rather than the expensive refills.  We eventually got an infra red trash can which automatically opens/closes.  This works for a week with just wet diapers, and gets pretty stinky when it opens towards the end, but it’s nice not to have to touch anything when disposing of a diaper. Just don’t put really stinky diapers in it (we put the once daily dirties in grocery sacks and put them in the outside trash right away).  

Nursing:

            MyBreast Friend.  Dumb name, I know, but I found it provides more support than a Boppy, and sticks right where you want it when you attach it around your waist to keep the baby latched on in the correct position, saving strain on your arm and back.  There’s a reason that many lactation nurses have one hanging inside the door of their office.  Plus, it’s nice to have a tangible measure of how your waist is shrinking over the weeks you nurse as you take in more slack on the belt.
            I found a nursing cover to be necessary.  I know, I know, we're free to expose our breasts in the name of feeding our children and that's beautiful yada,yada.  You know what's NOT beautiful? A post-partum mommy struggling to get her kid to latch while everyone attempts to look away.  A beautiful cover up is great; "pay no attention to what is happening behind the curtain". You can easily make them, too.

            Something to do while you nurse.  I  have had friends who have either quick/easy nursers so boredom while nursing was never a problem for them.  If you find yourself nursing for a whole hour each time (Lucy), or having to have one arm holding your baby’s head to you (Joshua/Benjamin), you might want to figure out what you want to watch on TV/Movie or books on Cd/podcasts to listen to.  Books can be hard to hold. One note, though, I recently heard that babies are actually aware of the TV their Mommies watch, so consider books on tape, etc.

            A goodnursing bra.  I like the Lifestyle Microfiber and the Silky (something) bras by Bravado.  They actually look like real bras!  Yay!  I have two, because you’re doing the laundry a lot with an infant, so I just toss them in the wash.  While we’re on this subject, if you have your baby in the summer, you may want nursing tank tops to avoid the extra layers.  I like the kind from (of all places) Target.  Don’t get white.  Your nipples show through.

            Nursing pads (or you could carry around a water bottle for when you leak in public to pour down your shirt, thus making it look like you just spilled water on yourself). 

            Breast pump.  I have the Avent Isis.  It works well for the rare pumping, and even for occasional pumping, or for when you are so engorged you’re dying.  If you’re doing more, you definitely want a fancy-shmancy electric one.  I’ve heard good things about Medela.  You can rent professional ones from most hospitals.

            The NursingMother’s Companion.  I don’t think I knew how to get a baby latched on correctly until I read the detailed instructions in the Nursing Mother’s Companion with Joshua--and I had had several consultations with lactation experts with both Joshua and Lucy!  Look into your local La Leche League, too.  Nursing is really, really hard for the first few weeks in particular, but also for the first 4-6 months until your baby starts solid foods.  You’re doing it so much and you are the ONLY one who can do it, whether you are tired, or cranky, or crying, or (one time) vomiting in rain, shine, sleet, hail, or dead of night.  If you go into it thinking that you’ll supplement formula, or that you’ll “just try it” your chances of nursing for even the first 6 months are pretty slim!  I certainly would have quit in the first 3 weeks each time if Matt hadn’t been there cheering me on!!

            Nursing logs.  For the first few sleep deprived days or nights, it’s helpful to keep a nursing log of when you nursed, on which side you started, and how long the baby nursed on each side.  It helps track how long its been since the baby nursed, how much its been getting, what time of day it is, what day it is, and it’s also useful for pity pleas to your husband and others who ask how everything is going (“well, I was up at 12, 2, 4, and then the baby slept until 7:30.  3 blessed hours of sleep!”).  Also, if feeding is not going well, your child’s pediatrician is going to be asking for some concrete data.  I made mine in Excel.  After awhile, you learn to just grab your boobs and decide which one to start on based on their size. No one ever said it was elegant.

*Obviously, anything that comes to you for free is better than any of these things that you would otherwise have to buy…except for maybe the car seat, since you’ll be using it so much.  Anyway, that’s why this is called, “What the Smart Mommies BUY”.

Reading Resources:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart   by Ted Tripp.  This is a seminal book for many parents.  It talks about how to discipline your child in a Godly and loving way.  At the very least, it gets you and your husband talking about how you want to raise your child so that you’re on the same page, which is more important than any technique.

Loose Your Mummy Tummy by Julie Tupler  Excellent book, does just what it says.  Ms. Tupler also has a book called MaternalFitness: Preparing for a Healthy Pregnancy , and Easier Labor and a QuickRecovery, which is great for training for the marathon of labor!

The Nursing Mother’s Companion  See above for reasons.

Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron  She gets kinda crazy sometimes, but has good baby nutritional info in there, some good ideas on what and when to feed baby (like plain yogurt and avocado, for instance), and when to introduce what kinds of foods. One of her best tips? Kids don't know what tastes good. Don't over salt-fat-season food to start good, healthy eating practices now. We ended up making most of our baby food, because I just don't think Gerber is as healthy as real, and it's not that much harder to bake and mush a sweet potato. A baby food grinder is great to take out to restaurants. Start kids eating what you eat!

Melinda Bryan Pilates for Pregnancy  This is a DVD that has a good work out in it, but mostly what I found to be especially helpful were the exercises for pushing that helped me visualize what pushing actually meant.  I only pushed for an hour with #1, for about 20 mins with #2, and 5 mins with #3, because I knew which muscles to use, because of her exercises.

You can get What to Expect the First Year for a reference.  I didn’t refer to it nearly as much as my What to Expect When You’re Expecting book.  It’s good for infant Tylenol to weight ratios.  I relied most on my babycenter updates to let me know how Lucy should be developing.  We also have the Academy of Pediatrics book which we got from the hospital as part of my hospital discharge package.  It’s good too.

Slow and Steady Get Me Ready by June Oberlander  Whether you plan to home school or not, this book starts you off with educational things you can do with your child each week of their first 5 years.  We don’t do these religiously, but always enjoy them when we do, and I feel like I’ve added to my children’s development just that much more. 
Curious about homeschooling? Read The Well Trained Mind.  It'll blow yours.

Yes, we've fit as many as 4 children on our Joovy Caboose.

Whew!  That's it! Is that enough?  Not nearly, but it's a good start.  Mommyhood is hard.  First, it's kinda boring, but that changes fast, so sleep a lot that first year, 'kay?

Love,
Little Miss Bossy

All's quiet in Facebook Town. Everyone moved to Pin City.

You ever notice how fewer and fewer friends are actively on Facebook?

I know where they are.  Pinterest.

We've shifted our time wastage from maintaining fringe friendships to collecting ideas that would be useful, should we ever actually use them.

I read somewhere, "Google plus is for guys. Pinterest is for women." I don't know how accurate that is, but anecdotaly, I sorta half signed up for Google plus and found no interest in carrying on.  When I was invited to Pinterest, however, I instantly found where my friends had been (thanks Facebook for helping!) and made casual acquaintances with many more women and a few gay men.

Now that my new addiction is founded, I'm looking for a new way to categorize my time wastage.

Facebook had this great title: Social Networking.
What's a high brow term for online hoarding?

PS: You get a glimpse of my brain in this blog (sorry), you can also see where I get some of the ideas in it if you go to my pinterest profile.

Those Hateful Wood Puzzles

Hello Free Beach Bag.  You sure are ugly--but in a bright way!  You know the best thing about you?  You're made of fabric.  Fabric can be cut and re-purposed quite easily.  Yes, when I look at you, I don't see a bag: I see a solution to a problem.

You see, Free Beach Bag, I really hate wooden puzzles.  Oh, I know that they're great for early childhood development, with their sensory development and all, but they're bad on the clean up.  You put them away, but then they tip just a bit, or get bumped, and before you know it, you have to do the puzzle again. Did you know that there are even holders designed for wooden puzzles to help with this problem?  There are. Too bad wooden puzzles are all sorts of shapes, sizes and widths.

Your contribution is so, so helpful.  My life is better for having met you.

Traveling with Toddlers

The Slapdashery used to be a traveling society.  Yes, the Pransome Hince used to have a more student-like schedule, forcing us to find something to do for long periods of time 4 times a year.  Since there's nothing more luxuriant or time-consuming as travel (especially when living apart from the near and dear), that's what we did.  Every.  Single.  Time.

This may seem somewhat crazy to most anyone who has had three children in 4 years, and it really was, but God gives grace, and we muddled through.

As I prepare to travel again (this time with 2 connections) I reflect on my traveling-with-toddler strategy:

• Pack as concisely as possible.  More stuff=more balls to juggle.  Strap everything down: roller suitcases, booster seats, and children.  Nothing should move unless you push it, kick it, pull it, lift it.
• Request a car seat bag when checking the car seat, or it comes back covered in all sorts of mysterious substances.
• Never go through security alone with the under-4 set.  I did this once and almost cried but for the kind assistance from a man named Muhammad (there's irony for you).
• Never allow your toddler to leave your side while near security.  The TSA starts yelling when small people wander into certain areas.
• Bring empty sippy cups. Have flight attendants fill with juice/water combo when they come around.
• Dress everyone in slouch wear. Your days of wearing high heels and makeup to fly are temporarily over.  Everyone wears elastic waists (so much easier using the restroom after changing a diaper if you only have to pull down) and slip on shoes.  Kids should wear Crocs because they are so easy to put on, a two year old can do it.
• Arrange to nurse on take off and landing, or have a passy in hand to help pop little baby/toddler ears. Happy ears=less screaming=happier cabin mates.
• DON'T forget a deflated balloon.  Blow it up when you reach your next connecting flight at the airport, or anytime you have to wait. AVOID AIRPORT "PLAY AREAS".  Oh the germs! 
• Remember: when your kid melts down in the middle of Dulles and has a tantrum after you've gotten on the escalator, but before they do; I feel your pain.

Housewifery

My Grandma, the wise lady who once told me that I'd treat my husband like I treat my brother (and I was like, ha-ha, Grandma, there's no way my husband will annoy me this much), takes umbrage at being called a housewife:

"I married my husband, not my house."


Too right.  So many of us "SAHMs"--it took me forever to figure out that means Stay At Home Mom, so if you're a dummy like me..now you know--try to find other words to describe what we do: Domestic Engineer, wife and mom, stay at home mom, soccer mom.

I read an article in the Wall Street Journal once about the problems that stay at home dad's were having in society, as they didn't have a group to fit in socially.  It's kinda true.  Every time I've met a stay at home dad, I've thought, "I guess we know who's career was doing better."...and I have very little to say to the poor guy.  What do we have in common, right?  Diapers?  I planned to be doing what I'm doing--so much so that I consider this my first career.
WSJ's advice?  When asked, just say you are what you used to do.  Now, that doesn't work as well for me, who used to be a junior supervisor at a pharmacy helpdesk, but if I was an architect (the example WSJ used), now that would be great.  Cuz you never stop being an architect, right?  But, saying, "I'm a stay at home mom" is a similar conversation killer when you're in a room full of type-A people with their typical careers.  I have a brain, and can talk about stuff other than what has been happening on HGTV, or how hard it is to potty train someone who has a hose for a urinary tract!

I was thinking along those lines when I thought, "I home school.  That's legitimate.  I'm providing a personalized education for my 3 children.  I planned to do this since I was 19.  It's my first career, and one that I'm very passionate about.  Just because I don't have to file taxes for it, doesn't mean it's not valid."

So now when asked what I do, I proudly say, "I home school my children."  And you know what?  I've been having some very scintillating conversations.

Oh, and my linked in profile?  It says I'm the Director of Development.

I don't mean to brag...

But I'm, like, the best cook EVAR!
Okay, not really. I don't really think that, but I AM willing to put in minimal time for maximum flavor.
So, when I made Granola and Brownie in a Mug and gave them as cheap-o Dave Ramsey Christmas gifts and then got compliments, well, let's just say it went to my head.

So, for the few, the proud, who got my cheap-as-free gifts, here are the recipes:
Granola
(adapted from Megan's Granola on Allrecipes)

• 8 cups rolled oats
• 1.4 cup sunflower seeds
• Up to 3 cups combined of any nuts you like
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 3/4 cup honey
• 1/2 cup coconut oil
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups raisins or sweetened dried cranberries

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Line two large baking sheets with parchment or aluminum foil.
2. Combine the oats, wheat germ, oat bran, sunflower seeds, almonds, pecans, and walnuts in a large bowl. Stir together the salt, brown sugar, maple syrup, honey, oil, cinnamon, and vanilla in a saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, then pour over the dry ingredients, and stir to coat. Spread the mixture out evenly on the baking sheets.
3. Bake in the preheated oven until toasted, about 20 minutes. Stir once halfway through. Remove from oven. Stir in the raisins or cranberries, then, using a paper towel, press down gently all over to make tasty chunks.  Cool completely before storing in an airtight container. 

Brownie in a Mug (adapted from an internet website, but I've made it so many times, it's mine)

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon oil
• 1 tablespoon water
• dash of salt
• 1/8 teaspoon vanilla
• dash of cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon cocoa
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3 tablespoons flour

Directions

1. Whisk together oil, water, vanilla and salt in a microwavable mug.
2. Add dry ingredients, whisking after each addition.
3. Place mug in microwave, and heat on high for 40-60 seconds, using less time for a "fudgier" brownie, more for a "cakier" one.
4. Carefully remove and enjoy!

Fairy Wings!

A favorite friend was turning three.  We have zero moula budgeted for a three-year-old's birthday.

Dave Ramsey inspiration: no $= perspiration.

When Chicken Lu was 3, the Pransome Hince and I got her some phat fairy wings. 

After we laid down a hefty chunk of Fanny Mae's money, I started looking at construction of the wings.  Made of wire hangers and pantyhose.  I never feel worse than when I've spent money on something I TOTALLY could have made with stuff I throw out.  I'm just cheap like that.

Yes, I throw out wire hangers.  I'm crazy like Joan Crawford. "No more wire hangers!"  I think I said that to my husband once in a fit of rage...or maybe I'm just remembering the movie, but we do have a metal-free closet. 100% wood.

But I digress (per usual) (see? even my digressions have digressions).  I gathered up some stowaway hangers from the dry cleaner, some unused panty hose (not because I have so many, but because I only wear them when I'm in weddings...so I have two pair), some 11 year old acrylic paint which I used to make my Sketchers blue for my wedding day, pliers, a sourced picture of a blue morpho butterfly, electrical tape and some muscle, and got to work. Oh, yeah, and this tutorial.

Hmm.. See if we can get these together here... Honey!?!

See what I mean about the muscle?

So pretty...maybe a little big for a 3 year old, though!

Writer's Block

I wish I had a computer in the bathroom.

Historically, that's where all my good ideas hit.

Seriously, I've composed the most interesting blog posts while brushing my teeth (then promptly forgotten them all).  Some of my best facebook statusi have struck whilst washing my hair.  Out goes the man, in goes the ideas.  In grade school I once thought up on the toilet the very witty quip, "Make like the Red Sea and part" to say when in a crowded situation.  Hey. It made my friends laugh because we were all 11, and in private school.

So, next time I'm in the WC dancing nekkid to I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You and come up with something truly clever, I'm gonna run straight to my desk in the middle of my very window-ed kitchen and just type it out.  Neighbors be damned!

Till then, I'm going to bed.